Thursday, February 1, 2007

How Bout them Sharks? (Musings of a Hockey Outsider) - Part Deux

Everyone has a guy - whether it be their jewelry guy or hair cutting guy - whom they seem eager to endorse. Buying a diamond ring? "Go see my guy, and tell him I sent you." Need a good massage? "I know a guy.." I, too, have a guy. He's an Oakland A's fan, #14, and hails from a little known town called Moose Factory in good ole' Canadia. There's something pleasant about guys from Canadia - much like guys from Oregon, I imagine them to be grounded and surrounded by trees. This makes me happy.

Hockey is rapidly becoming my favorite sport to watch. And in the spirit of the game, Part I of my hockey ramblings. Now that I'm a Shark Tank veteran, I like to think I've picked up a thing or two about the culture. Here's what I have learned:

* It's probably a good idea to know who your team is playing. As a novice hockey enthusiast attending the game last minute, I figured this would be excusable, but regardless of level of interest and in the spirit of the game, one must at the very least do that minimal research.

* Additionally, it might be a good idea to know the colors of the opposing team. This goes for any sport. You do not want to be the lone UCLA fan who shows up clad in a red and white windbreaker to the Emerald Bowl vs. Florida State, realizing a little too late that you have arrived inadvertently clad in the other team's colors.. forced to abandon outerwear and brave the malevolent San Francisco winds. All in all, team colors are always a safe bet, as is a black North Face denali.

* When you're sending a text message to vote for your favorite Sharks moment from the year previous, you will incur a $0.99 fee, and chances are you won't be winning that team-signed jersey, no matter how lucky you're feeling.

* Hockey is a sport where fighting is a strategic mechanism for inciting team spirit in the crowds. Brownie points for gear on ice and just a hint of blood for dramatic effect (but preferably no lacerations requiring anything over 13 sutures).

* Finally: never, ever wish for a shoot out when your team is already in the lead. You just may get what you wish for. With 2.2 seconds left on the clock.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of sports according to Generika. If you would like my observations on college ball, soccer, or even log rolling (if it's on ESPN, it's a sport), I welcome complimentary tickets, upon which I shall provide my assessment.

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